Missing in Action
by kookieznkream
Summary: "Your bed, it's too soft. When I was over there I'd sleep on the ground and use rock for pillows, like a caveman. Now I'm home, lying in my bed, and it's like…" "Lying on a marshmallow. Feels like I'm gonna sink right to the floor." There's dull, aching longing in his chest.


Naruto was 32 when he finally achieves his lifelong dream. He was _finally_ Hokage. It seemed almost like a dream. Kakashi had resigned, after a few short, albeit prosperous, years, muttering something about just being a benchwarmer for Naruto. Not that Naruto minded. He _made_ it. _Finally_.

He could remember his inauguration ceremony so clearly, his grin wider than he could muster as he looked down on the beaming faces of the citizens. And the (almost) impressed face of _Sasuke_. _Who he finally brought home_. That was three months ago.

The first month, he couldn't leave the office. He could, of course; he's not an invalid, despite what the bastard says, with a light teasing in his voice, but he is not ready for the stacks of paperwork waiting for him once again in the morning if he decided to go home. Guess he learned the hard way that being Hokage was incredibly, unbelievingly, one-hundred percent _boring_.

The second month, he decided to start sneak out to train. Taijutsu mostly, at first, for a few hours. He hasn't felt the wind rushing through his fingers in a long time, not properly, not like he deserved to train, and he needed air. He simply went. His friends won't even notice he's gone, most likely. It's not like they have really talked since he was sworn in office. Actually, everything would be much easier for them if he was gone for a few hours or that he never accepted the position in the first place, he decided. It was such a simple truth he's surprised he hasn't thought about it before.

He just went without telling anybody.

Of course, Sakura and Shikamaru found out and was promptly dragged back into the office.

Which brought him to his current predicament.

Though Naruto tried desperately to focus on the latest mission report in front of him, he just couldn't seem to make the inked words make any sense. He stretched himself twice already, shaking the sleep that was forming on the corners of his eyes. Perhaps he had more success if he wasn't sneaking peeks at the clock across the room.

It's nearly 5 a.m.

The silence in the Hokage office was strained, to say the least, save for the shuffling of papers and treaties.

Eventually, Naruto spoke, his voice cutting the tension like a butterknife would to butter. "Shikamaru." He pushed the mission report away and yawned.

Shikamaru looked up from the floor, surprised.

"Go home, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru gave him a dubious look. "But I-", he began to protest.

Naruto held up a hand. "I've been keeping you here for so long, Shikamaru. Go home to your family."

There's something in Naruto's voice, but Shikamaru was too exhausted to figure out what. Shikamaru ran his hand through his hair. "What's gotten into you today, Naruto. You've been distracted for the last week. _What's going on?_ "

The blonde was silent, as if debating whether to tell his advisor.

Shikamaru decided to let it go, sighing, "You know what, never mind. This is all been so _troublesome_."

He turned away towards the door.

"Do you miss it?" Naruto asked, suddenly.

Shikamaru noted that Naruto sounded _small_ , like he was surprised and scared and worried, and had convinced himself in the last three months that he simply did not care anymore.

"Miss what?" Shikamaru replied, confused.

"Missions, action,." Naruto huffed, exasperatedly. "This isn't what I had in mind. This. All of this." In a fit of childish rage, he tossed the paper into the air, and watched as they landed on the ground.

' _So this is what this is about_ ,' Shikamaru thought, glumly. ' _This is just all so troublesome_ '

Shikamaru turned back to Naruto and sighed. "Look Naruto, it takes some getting used to. You're the Hokage now, you can't just go running off on missions or just sneak out to spar when you think people aren't looking. Not especially with your current workload."

" _Goodnight_ , Shikamaru." Naruto pressed firmly, turning once again towards the mission report in his hands.

Shikamaru paused and squinted at him, analyzing every millimeter of Naruto. "It's your bed, right?"

Unconsciously, Naruto looks at his advisor and is surprised by the smile he sees. Why is Shikamaru smiling at him? "What's that?"

"Your bed, it's too soft. During the war, I'd sleep on the ground and use rocks for pillows, like a caveman. Now I'm home, lying in my bed, and it's like…"

"Lying on a marshmallow. Feels like I'm gonna sink right to the floor."

There's dull, aching longing in Naruto's chest.

"You must miss the good old days, huh?" There is compassion in Shikamaru's voice.

"Well, things aren't so bad. I've finally made it to Hokage!" Naruto let out a hollow laugh. There was no emphasis on the last word.

"But sometimes you wish you were with Sasuke on his travels - fighting, training - and not locked up in this office. Doing _this_." Shikamaru gestured to the room. "No offense, Naruto, but you're not exactly cut out for desk work. But it comes with the job."

That dull ache is back. Naruto can't name it, not right away. Curse Shikamaru for being so goddamn _right_ all the time. He fell silent, his mind a cacophony of thoughts. He wished he could be as confused as to his feelings - back when feelings weren't dulled, back when doubt was just beginning to gnaw at the beliefs he had held.

Naruto shrugged, "This is my price to pay, I guess."

"It's the price we pay as shinobi - we're so used to war and conflict and bloodshed that peace is just boring."

Naruto couldn't bring himself to look at Shikamaru's eyes. This is how all their talks have gone. Shikamaru looking unwaveringly on Naruto, and Naruto looking anywhere but at him, for fear of what he will read in his eyes. Naruto turned to face the window - there's a warm glow that is beginning to peek over the buildings outside.

 _Fuck_. "It's morning," he commented, idly.

As Naruto stared at the sun rise over his village, lost in thought, he didn't hear the sound of the door click behind him.

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 **A/N: Please read and review!**


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